I wish I could say things are hoobaliscious (a great word, by the way!), like amber just did in her latest entry, but the truth is, life is far from it for me right now.
It's 5:16 am, and I've yet to fall asleep, no matter how hard I try. Have you ever had those times, when so many things are racing through your head at once, so many questions...and it all just spins around and around, like a hellish merry-go-round?
When I was younger, I was so much different about love. I was much more open, and I would tell the person exactly how I felt, and when I felt it. In time, I learned that was a big mistake.
Now, it's different. I can be cold on the outside, while I'm torn up on the inside. I've learned never to let someone see that they've gotten to me. I can't let them see how they've hurt me. So instead, I tell myself things like:
"Just let it go. It's better this way."
"At least you know how it's going to be now, before it goes too far. Just be glad it's over."
And my famous line to myself:
"Just fuck him off. He's not worth it. Let it go, it never happened. He doesn't exist."
This time, it's not working. This time, the feelings won't go away.
Why are people so fucking cruel? Where does it end? Why do people get off on lying to your face - about being your friend, about being your lover, about being your everything? Why do people turn their backs so easily, without ever even once trying to see inside of you, to know who you are or how you feel?
I just want to let it go.
"Girl afraid- Where do his intentions lay? Or does he even have any? She says: "He never really looks at me, I give him every opportunity. In the room downstairs He sat and stared. In the room downstairs He sat and stared. I'll never make that mistake again!" The Smiths: Girl Afraid - from Louder Than Bombs5:40 a.m. - May 28, 2003
Recent entries:
Wtf, Diaryland??? - July 13, 2021
Millions of Peaches, Peaches for Me~ - August 29, 2004
No, I'm Not Dead! - April 21, 2004
Warpath Rants Do a Body Good - March 29, 2004
~PT BITES the BIG ONE~ - March 18, 2004
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
theshakedown
motherofian
strippedraw
loudwoman
sxb
nicronsart
stop-pro-ana
lizbathory
elixxir
foosgold
beautifulmeh
pitty-sing
cadmium-red
komradphil
coffee-flesh
sledgeman
lapisllong
fatalvixxxen
insanitygirl
pieceofme
pin-wheel
hibiscus101
missgloworm
taffy77
thewriteraurie
ganapati
ethelalcohol
jessy56789
colista
opiumtrend