"...Map Mange Ou Sans Sel..."

Love Is The Slug
12:44 a.m. on April 10, 2002

i suppose this entry should start at the very beginning....the beginning being when the whole internet craze started. you know.....when you could literally sign on for hours at a time and just sit in a chatroom, talking to anyone, anywhere, who would listen - and delighting in their wisecracks, requests for nudie pics, and private messages. i know i spent many a sleepless nite looking for some rare entertainment value....and wouldn't you know, look at the time now???

in time, i began to fear some of the people i was meeting out there.....well, ok, fear is a strong word. but as i met some of these so called lonely men, i began to wake up. the internet was no different from anywhere else on earth. a lonely hearts club, filled with lies, sex, cheating, and anything else you could throw in there. that's where i get the word "fear".

after deleting my pathetic personal ads and homepages, i began talking, by chance, to a man i'll call "N". (names are NOT to protect the innocent here, would i do that??)...anyway, he seemed perfect in every way. beautiful, in every sense of the word that a man can be. sweet. loving. kind. strong. everything.

or so i thought......as in all relationships. most men, right away they are FUCKING ASSHOLES!!! but this guy....he is almost worse. after talking with me for about three days, which is only a couple hours at night, N starts talking about marriage, about how he thinks i am the one...about what our parents will think. at first, i think this is very sweet. why would i want to ruin a good thing??? a couple more days go by, and N starts to call me. this is fine.....we talk, laugh.....we get along very good. but then, just as i am about to feel good about things again, N starts to send me these silly ass internet cards that say how much he loves me!! not only that, but N also sends me sappy fucking e-card poems that make me want to puke my fucking guts out all over the rug. it's just not cool.

why did he have to go and fuck everything up???? i mean fucking christ, he doesn't love me, he couldn't!!!! he has never even met me face to face!!! i strongly believe it takes time to truly love someone...time to know who they really are...this is NORMAL!! so why can't i just find someone normal??????

fuckity fuck fuck.......

instead of hooking up with insane asshole types, i have to find an emotional fuck-witt. it's agony, i tell ya.

with that, i go to bed, only to have suffocation nightmares.

peace, i'm out~

jj

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