I think he could just be a dream....
I can't sleep.....life, love, and fear of pain keeps circling through my addeled brain.....he just had to do it, he had to walk back into my life. the thing is, he has never hurt me, lied to me, cheated....he has always had such a special place deep down where I of course never show anyone......I know, now I'm telling....I guess I just hope writing it will allow me to sleep sometime tonight. When we were teenagers, we weren't allowed to be together....or you might say, I wasn't allowed to date him. Then I saw him again, when I was living with the total ASSHOLE, and I remember looking forward to those days that he would come into my work, and just talk....when I broke up with my ASSHOLE, I was so depressed, and felt so low on myself and humiliated by what he had put me through, that I couldn't even bear to have anyone touch me for a long time. I blew him off when he asked me out to dinner....so it amazes me to no end that he still wants anything to do with me, or that he still thinks of me. It makes me very happy, but it also says to me, what did I ever do to deserve a good guy? I am definitely pretty screwed up......we all are, I guess. Being with him last night, I felt like a fucking highschool kid again....Do I kiss him? Does he want me to? Do I look ok? Does he really like me, or did he just need a friend? If this goes any further, will I ever talk to him again? I could so get used to lying in his arms, and that is the most frightening part of all.....feeling vulnerable, feeling like you could really get attached to this person, and that they will be snatched away, as soon as you allow yourself to quit being on guard. He did call tonight, and we talked for two hours....scary. But good scary, I think.more later,
jj
I've been saving imogine for something special....this must be the time.
something has to change
undeniable dilemma
bordom's not a burden anyone should bear
constant over stimulation numbs me
but I would not want you
any other way
That's not enough
I need more....
Nothing seems to satisfy
I don't want it
I just need it
to breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive
finger deep within the border line....
show me that you love me
and that we belong together...
relax,
turn around and take my hand.
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