AND I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE

sometimes i wish i could just

sleep, and never have to wake up

until i was ready.

i wish i could sleep like an animal, deep in its seasonal

hybernation period.

warm,

safe,

protected,

and forever dreaming, with no fucking interuptions.

i don't want to live this life.

living this life means that i

have to wake up everyday and figure out how the fuck i'm going to face the day,

living this life means you're gone.

living this life means that no matter how much i cared for you, or how good i was to you, ultimately in the end you didn't choose me.

and deep down i know, i don't want to live this life.

i don't want to live this life knowing

i can be as happy as i was with you,

and i don't want to be here knowing you are with her now, saying all of the sweet things you said to me that made me believe again. i don't want to go on knowing that in the end, we end up alone.

i just don't want it.

yesterday i wrote to you, and told you the way i feel.....i told you how much you meant to me. what i left out was all the times i have dreamed about you since you walked away, and i didn't tell you about the times i can still feel the warmth of your arms around me.

i didn't tell you about how i wish i could dial your number just to hear your voice, or the times i have cried.

no, i don't want to live this life.