hello hello! i am so, so pleased to be back! so now folks, the whole, sad, fucked up story like I promised last week, dammit! and of course, the whole story as i know it.
well, it all started for me well and good, last weekend, which was the last weekend of june. i actually thought i was having a good weekend, can you imagine it? but of course, when you are least expecting it, oh you can always fucking expect it, sweetheart! you guys probably know that feeling. it�s a real bitch it �tis. in short, i have finally come to the realization that my stepfather hates me, and has resented me since he came into the picture when i was nine years old. resented me, did not want to be a dad, hated me, couldn�t stand me, and can�t stand me now. however you would like to put it. i have finally come to these conclusions: i don�t give a rat�s ass! i am so tired of making his bullshit my problem. because the way he has treated me is on him now. i mean, one thing he told me last sunday was that he had no respect for me. so, being the worthless human that i am, i asked him who died and left him god. i asked him who told him that he was my fucking judge and jury. then, i told him that i really didn�t give a fuck what he respected, or if he ever respected me. i also asked him if he found comfort at night by telling himself that i respected him. there�s a fucking thought for ya! actually, that shit is more of a bad joke. i can honestly say that the only way that man would have any respect for me or value me as a person is if i suddenly won the fucking lottery for 50 million or some shit. for fucks sake i tell ya! so, i was so tired of it at that point, (it was about 1:30am on a sunday), that i woke up my daughters, grabbed a bunch of odds and ends for clothes, threw them in a bag, and hit the road in my truck. i had about fifty in cash, and that got us real fucking far! believe it or not though, i went all the way to missouri, and stayed for a week. so hence the lack of update! sorry guys, i feel like a big ole failure in that department, trust me. now, for the weekly bitches and nags: (who could do without that?) 1. i am so sick of hearing rob zombie tunes, i want to puke every time a song of his comes on the radio. let�s face it folks, he was great with white zombie, but now all of his songs sound the same. it sucks ass! 2. i could never stand infomercials in the first place, but if i keep seeing that same dumb ass guy who does the oxy clean shit, the fucking ding things (my daughters call them the dingy thingys), the space bags, and that raunchy orange cleaner shit, i am going to find out his mailing address, and become his greatest fan/psycho stalking, axe wielding, homicidal maniac lover. 3. if one more retarded, jobless, basically homeless/junkie loser asks for my phone number, i swear they will lose a fucking testicle. 4. if i had my very own genie, i would have him make all time MY time. that way, i would never be on anyone else�s time again. which, gee mr. hand, isn�t it OUR time? in a perfect world, my friend. 5. god i hate hypocrites. i�ve never asked you for much, oh lord. so please obliterate their kind, when you have the time, of course. amen. 6. i checked on the wankerfest - i mean witchfest a few weeks ago, just to see what was up. MISTAKE! because merely glancing at their site burned both of my retinas beyond repair. (i think the HYPOCRITAL bullshit they refer to as a mere �parody� over there is what made me go blind). i now have a seeing eye dog typing for me. translation between woman and dog is a bitch, but you�ll have that. 7. sometimes i wish my mother and father would fall off of a big cliff, and it would be declared an accident, and i could collect double indemnity on their life insurance policies, which would be well over $200,000.00. but do we ever really get what we wish for? i�m still hoping, though. 8. i hate it when people come up to you that you know, or are just mere acquaintances, and ask you, �and how are you doing today?� like butter wouldn�t melt in their mouths. because, NONE of them really give a shit. they only want you to respond, �i�m just wonderful today! and how are you?� i wish they would all drop dead with their �peachy� little selves and begin to rot, if you want to know the truth. 9. which brings me to: i HATE people who are fakes. 10. i can�t stand it when people try to tell me that someday i will be reincarnated. now please guys, if you believe in this, don�t freak. here�s my point: it is believed that if you are reincarnated into someone else, you come back to live out your past mistakes over and over, until you get it right. but it�s also said that you don�t remember who you were before, thus not even REMEMBERING your mistakes. SO WHAT�S THE FUCKING POINT?? 11. the monotony of my boring fucking existence makes want to buy a gun, and aim it at my head. but because i have two children who i love and adore more than life itself, i wouldn�t. but at least the fantasy of my brains splattering all over the walls is comforting at times. well fellow diary whores, it�s time to go. i am all fresh out of sunshine to spread around. so come on back tomorrow ya�ll, and check it. peace, i�m out~ jj11:53 p.m. - July 10, 2002
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