happiness is short lived.....
6:37 p.m. on April 18, 2002
well, let's just say that last entry came out a little fucking BIG??? lol!! ahh.....well, it's just another days work. which reminds me....last nite i went and looked through the top 250 sites at clix, and i'm fucking 113!!! i'm up there!!! i mean hell, 113 isn't the best ranking, but hey...it's good for being on the site for only a few weeks, and not to mention for being a foul-mouthed lil ole girl from iowa, that is some good fucking shit!!! and to think, i was told from certain BITCHES (i won't name names) that my diary wasn't worth reading. go figure.
ok....enough of that!! i was just a tad bit proud.......heh, heh.
today all the above new found happiness was destroyed when i found out some bad news about my mother. she has been going through a lot of testing the last few days after having a routine ekg come up bad. so after going in and having an echocardiogram done, she found out today that she has a faulty valve on her heart, causing the blood to backflow. the weird part about it is that she has had no signs or symptoms. the doctor says she could have had it all of her life, or she could have contracted it from a virus. what all of this means is that she will have to have heart surgery, and that is scary. my mother is 53 years old. she's still strong enough, but if she has any kind of blockage when they do the surgery, she is in for more problems.
i've always been very close with my mom. she's always been like my very best friend, my mom, and my only confidant. i don't know what i would do without her. i really don't. now i can honestly say, nothing else compares to this. no other problem i could face could be worse than losing my mother. i'm scared. please, if anyone is out there reading, say a prayer for her, and for me.
peace, i'm out~
jj
