my life is full of insanity. it never comes out right, and it never makes any sense. but wait a minute.....the definition of insanity is this: someone who does something over and over, hoping for a different outcome. see? i told you......i'm fucked. now i'm starting to think my life isn't just full of insanity, but more like, my life is just full of shit.

what happened to all of the plans i had? what happened to my dreams? i wish i would have realized in my rush to be an adult, that being an adult meant compromise. being an adult meant that dreams go on the back burner.....or more like, they fizzle out. now i only have memories of all the fun i had in high school.....skipping, driving around in my little roller skate of a festiva, with about seven other kids loaded in the back.....it's back end dragging the pavement from the extra weight. i wish in that time i skipped school and sat up at the park water coloring in my sketchbook, of all the things i was missing while i was there..and of all of the things i might regret later. but i didn't.

now i can only deal with the fact that i can't go back to those days. i can't escape my life now.....the mother of two children, responsible for their lives...my own life and dreams amounting to nothing when you compare it to the years they have ahead of them. regrets? yes. resentment? no. but the definition of insanity? look it up.

peace-

jj